Please don't bother me with these paradoxes

From Carls wiki

If you've been redirected here, it's possible that you've tried to bore me with a seemingly interesting "problem" of some kind. In that case, please understand that I don't dislike you as a person. It's just that I want to focus on the real mysteries of life, not the apparent ones.

...or you might have come here by some other route. If so, just enjoy yourself.

What does the action "to try" consist of? What's the difference between trying to pick up a pen and actually picking it up?

Shut up. Or try to shut up, as it were.

If you try to fail, and succeed, then what have you done?

You're confusing levels. On the "try" level, you've succeeded, but on the "fail" level, you've failed. You've also utterly failed to pique my interest.

What if you went back in time and killed your grandfather?

You see, this is the reason we would never consider letting you humans get your hands on time travel.

Why aren't whole planes built out of the same material as the indestructible black boxes inside them?

I believe it has something to do with being too heavy to fly, smartass.

How do they make the Teflon stick to the frying pan?

Through an industrial process, using — and you're going to love this explanation — several layers of non-stick material.

Where's the missing dollar?

It's in there somewhere. Look again. And don't come back with it when you've found it.